It is well known that both sexes are guilty of infidelity and that the blame for a broken relationship is not the fault of a certain gender. However, according to some international studies there are several aspects of infidelity that are more attributable to men than women. Whether the statistics portray a true reality or not, there is no doubt based on our experience as private investigators that more men are able to engage in infidelity with less guilt than women are. (i.e. the guy who goes to the local “massage parlour” once a year, but has no remorse and simultaneously, no feelings for the masseuse/prostitute is somewhat unique to men). This does not mean that some women do not engage in affairs and adultery without remorse, it is just less common.
Men also appear to be driven by the desire to feel good and to be with someone that arouses them. They often stray when they find an opportunity to have sex with someone that is “hotter” than their wife or partner or is in some way more sexually exciting. If they perceive their wife as being overweight, out of shape, non-responsive or too crabby, infidelity becomes a much more realistic option. We have heard story after story about a husband who is caught cheating reporting that it is his wife’s fault. “She got fat”; “she only cares about the kids” or no longer cares about having exciting sex. Men like to feel important and desired and when a woman shows an interest, it feels good and they go after it. When a stranger shows an interest in a man, they get aroused.
In most cases cheating men seem to get away with it for a long time. They seem to be more capable of maintaining the “norm” at home while carrying on the affair. If the affair is detected, it appears that a wife is more likely to stay with an adulterer husband than the opposite, thus sending the message to the males of our society that even if they do get caught, it must be acceptable because “so and so” had been cheating for years, got caught and his wife got over it.
How successful are TV programs based on dramatic sexual exploits of the likes of international recognized personalities like…Hugh Hefner, Tommy Lee, Warren Beatty, Mick Jagger, etc. etc. Even the past president of the USA gets caught engaging in an extramarital affair with a young woman in the Oval Office and he remains married. The ability to sleep with many women is linked to the idea of having power, status and money; all things that the average husband strives for. As long as women tolerate infidelity on the part of their husband, husbands will likely take advantage of it.
The Cheating Wife
Reasons women cheat vary considerably. Some get involved in extramarital affairs because they are lonely, others because they want to escape the monotony of marriage. Still, others are motivated to cheat as a form of revenge after they find lipstick or other tell-tale signs of their husbands' infidelity. Then there are the selfish, character-flawed women who marry good men, who love and take care of them, but continue to consort with other men for sexual excitement or for the money and other material goods these men can provide.
Women are not nearly as inclined to engage in infidelity purely for the sexual gratification. They tend to select a partner that they feel is an “upgrade” or somehow a better selection (i.e. the rock star or alpha male syndrome). They tend to engage in an affair with someone they want to be with and see over and over as opposed to simply finding someone that arouses them and giving them physical pleasure. The truth is that a wife can want something more and may try and find it with someone else. This can range from finding someone she relates with better, all the way to being a gold digger and finding a guy who can give her more things than you.
The “better man” theory, whether the other guy is better or not, holds true. If this is the case, the infidelity is likely to be a simple precursor to a new relationship and it is only an affair because she does not have the other guy locked in yet.
Another basic idea which everyone has heard of is that women often marry for security as opposed to love. The idea is that they need someone, so they get married, not necessarily to the man of their dreams. Along with this idea is its partner, the idea that women are always looking for the best mate they can find. They will “upgrade” if an opportunity presents itself. As private investigators specializing in this type of work, we see many examples of cheating wives who are not merely having an affair for the sex or the thrill of it, but is trying to start a new relationship. They are working on this “upgrade” while continuing to maintain their existing marriage.
A lack of sex or sex that is not satisfying is another major motivator that leads a wife to cheat. We have found that this is particularly true when the cheating wife tried to keep the sexual relationship with her spouse going strong but was met with disappointment. She stays in good shape, tries to be sexy and interesting for him and he is still bored with sex or worse yet, will not give her pleasure the way she wants it. There is no romance and no connection. A wife who has gone through this is far more likely to cheat when someone shows a true interest in her.
Paybacks are one of the most unusual yet very real cheating habits. If a husband has cheated his wife and she cannot deal with the pain and devastation, she may well pay you back by doing the same. We have seen many cases of a wife cheating on her husband as revenge for his infidelity or believed infidelity.
Women have more sexual power than men…..which can be lethal if fired on by revenge. In their minds “leveling the playing field”, a practice that never has positive conclusions”
Some sexual behaviour research indicates that the cheating wife may see herself as a victim of the “Little Woman Syndrome”. This is essentially a case where a working wife is made to feel like the “little woman” in her marriage rather than a partner. She works just as hard as her husband, but at the end of the day, she still has to raise the kids, clean the house and be the quiet wife so her husband can go out with the guys or watch TV all night. Working women who contribute a lot in the workforce and want to be treated with the respect they deserve come home to a life that they do not want. They are surrounded with people who treat them with respect at the office and they want the same from a marriage that will not give it to them. This is a wife who may cheat because she wants to be with someone who will treat her like an equal. Something that is not gender specific but is worth mentioning is that in almost all cases of a cheating wife, is the overall idea that something is wrong in the marriage. At least one of them is unhappy and most likely both are. Someone’s needs are not being met and something does not work the way that either partner wants it to.